The remorse I have felt for years,
that obliterates my presence in the present.
Within the slightest pang to my heart,
I awoke, within me the understanding
to a lesson created by my own thinking,
unstrung a web I tangled myself within
shame, guilt, resentment and Blame.
I have been punishing myself with
filth from my own thinking and reactions
to how many times, I failed...
The Lesson serves to forgive myself,
allowing myself to embrace forgiveness,
for my choices to react,
to have made a mess of things,
and beat myself up every time I re-bring it up,
to evaluate, excuse, blame,
shame myself for not only my actions,
but everyone's contribution to the matters,
beyond actions of my own...
I was in a trap of justifying and okaying
this punishment against myself, for the toll
of my mistakes, my failures, constant deepening
of the wound, the baggage of my thoughts,
beliefs, reactions, the weight I chose to carry
within, was my weight and how I chose to carry
and hold onto it, as leverage against myself,
was worthy punishment in my eyes.
The remorse within, was my connection,
reminder, of what I did wrong,
I thought was part of the lesson,
that I was doing right, but allowing the pain to continue,
but controlled by me, not other people...
I was confused, I confused myself,
making things more challenging,
more triggering, more difficult to assess....
Forgiveness is still very much my process
to this very day,
for every bend in the road
still paves mistakes to be learned,
and more to awaken within us, to Love,
To deepen the Peace,
to sink into my light,
soaking in Love as my Presence,
Forgiveness reacquaints us with our hearts,
allows us to Love ourselves once again,
allows the weight we have chosen to carry,
to be lifted and free us from the grudges we hold against ourselves...
Forgiveness allows us to heal
ourselves from within and Brings
Love back into the light and energy we emit
so we can keep our presence in the now,
and reclaim the beautiful Life we have here...
Forgiveness is our connection, to Love, to kindness,
to Blessings, for ourselves and others,
Forgiveness helps us remain positive and happy wholly.
We can not fully Love ourselves without Forgiveness.
Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror
PS. I am still Learning that with Loving Myself,
Forgiveness, brings both Peace and Gratitude,
I am originally from British Columbia Canada, but have lived in Iowa, USA, for several years. Mom of four, Married and Hello, I am