11-8-2015

All the times I have felt broken,
All the times I felt I was but an empty seat,
All the times I kicked myself deeper into a rut,
I was more whole in those moments,
then I knew, at the time.
Those Fighting moments,
Those Mentally exhausting emotional rifts,
were Blessings,
Polishing the Gem I have always been.
-
It Took years of frustrating, ground breaking
discovery to learn that, all that was.....
My only lack, my only huge mistake of a lesson
needed to learn then, I Harnessed Later.
The Solution then and now,
are the same, it's Love.
Unconditional, Whole, LOVE!!!
I needed to Love Myself,
instead of looking for others to fill the
void within,
Instead of finding something good
and Blaming them for not filling it enough
to make me really feel it,
so I would madly, throw it away,
holding an angry grudge against them.
I wasn't really mad at them,
I was more angry at myself for not realizing what
I sought for, laid simply, within me.
-
I had to recognize, believe, work through,
forgive, but most of Love, myself,
as is.
-
I am so grateful I took this risk to challenge myself,
to convince myself of this weird answer,
To unfurl, dis-entangle, unravel the strings I attached,
Let go, release the poisonous webs,
I clung to...
I Released...
Into Ownership I went,
I traveled over hills, ruts, puddles,
and met myself down a bit, and to the left side of my chest,
and though it felt like a hot dry desert,
with little to none stats of salvaging what could be there,
I discovered my heart,
sighed with relief, and
surrendered to the fighting,
the blaming,
curled myself into fetal position allowing myself to be engulfed
by the Light that never left, me.
I had a long gentle embrace with tears rolling down my cheeks,
each drop that fell, was one of forgiveness and of gratitude,
even though I was still lost,
As I reacquainted myself with Love,
I remembered this light, was me and was overcome with love.
I have planted that seed, remembering I was never broken,
I was just blinded by the unknown,
I plant myself each day rooted and love,
I plant myself into the seas of Gratitude,
and I keep plowing through.
Never forgetting what it took,
and allowing myself to be the wind beneath my own two wings.
It is worth a Thousand hot deserts, impassable Hills, and ruts to rediscover Love within.
Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror