You can't sustain wilting
Because of our past experiences,
Traumas, mistakes, and life events that were not
Within our control to prevent,
We are not unfit, unworthy, unimportant,
Fucked up beyond recognition, or broken.
Unfit as in,
Undeserving of the right to change,
Undeserving of the right to be here
With a past and a fragmented self,
We are still learning to face and bring loving light
Into, as we heal each day.
Unworthy as in all the echoes in our mind,
Playing trickery with us through nit picking
Our memories, our flashbacks,
And criticizing us, to defeat us.
Unimportant as in how other made us feel,
And how we continue to project that onto ourselves,
Not realizing just yet that we are repeating those things,
In our own beliefs and narratives.
Fucked up beyond recognition,
As in we have gotten so buried, so lost, so confused,
So burdened, we can’t hear our own thoughts- feelings- etc,
or see ourselves or feel ourselves, as all the yesterdays overwhelm us.
Broken as we see ourselves this way,
Because something has to be wrong with us for all that shit to have happened to us,
Broken because we feel stupid for not catching something sooner,
And the toll of damage exceeds our capacity to understand,
To walk away from it, or run from ourselves in denial..
Because we have had a rough life,
Because we had some harsh experiences,
We’ve changed, we’ve hardened to self preserve
What little we think is left of us.
Because we think we are so insufficient, faulty, impaired,
That this is just ‘How it’s gonna be.”
Somehow we just think,
If we stay hidden,
Maintaining our past scripts,
Biding our time, our life,
Because lots of these experiences
Repeated, so we believe we have no chance,
Not worth the work,
Not worth it whatsoever,
This is me,
Accept that or else..
Erratic lashing outs,
Strong limited opinions,
Accustomed to this treatment,
They treated me this way,
I treat myself this way,
So no matter what kindness comes my way,
I am going to shut it down,
Disbelieve, imprison myself
From learning from my experiences,
Debilitate myself from growth,
Because I am not worth it.
We are resourceful, it is built into our DNA!
We are adaptable, as we’ve adapted to abuse, abusive narratives,
and/or life events, lessons, we can adapt to changing our view,
Our thoughts, our feelings, our words, and our actions.
We are fighters, drawing upon strengths we didn’t even know we had,
In the faces of adversities and uncertainties.
We are fully capable to change, to determine what is good for us
And discern what isn’t good for us.
We are built to withstand Living Our Lives,
Best we can, meanwhile making mistakes,
Learning from all those experiences,
And to still be standing here, living and breathing, alive!
Realize that this,
Proves your worth it,
Proves your fit,
Proves your significance,
Proves you have not been broken or defeated
Enough to not be here, PRESENT and accounted for,
Proves You are still whole,
Proves you have done a lot of work,
Proves you still have work to do,
Proves there’s a lot of you, still here,
Still worth fighting for,
Still worth having a wondrous Life to be lived,
Without all the negative, abusive narratives,
Being the author of your life,
By you still being here alive,
Proves that You can do this,
You can will yourself into a better reality,
A more fulfilling life.
Because despite your internal dialogue,
Your strength to overcome,
Brought you to where you are now,
Realizing that shit show,
Doesn’t serve you well,
It dims you, it cripples you,
It gives away your power to change.
Upholding those experiences
As the only way, isn’t the way for you and YOU know IT!.
Make new memories,
Create, less toxic environments inside and around you,
And Giving yourself the most magnificent possibilities,
Are within your abilities such as;
Is your hope, faith,
You can trust and use to empower you,
To compel you forward,
Because these have already been proven to you,
Because YOU have lived through all of it thus far.
You can change things,
You can maneuver yourself into a new direction,
You can change what that dialogue is,
You can see yourself better,
Treat yourself better,
Because YOU are 100% worth it.
It’s time to believe in yourself again!
I believe in YOU, because I’ve went through this,
And reflecting back reminds me how powerful that journey was,
And to this day I carry with myself,
My abilities to overcome, as do you, without changing anything.
Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023
You can’t sustain wilting,
But you can sustain Flourishing.
There’s a way out, and you will find it,
You will succeed.
YOU are Resourceful!
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I am originally from British Columbia Canada, but have lived in Iowa, USA, for most of my life. Mom of four, Married. Hello, I am