Check

I have become quite aware of 
Some of my own immediate responses,
To people, such as;
“It’s okay, I understand, No worries,
Yeah, uh huh,” and some others.
These are some of my habitual responses,
That work like buttons,
I select to suppress,
When I know with everything in me,
I disagree, 
I have another point of view to share,
But this little ring of a bell goes off,
“Be polite!”
The side effect of being a people pleaser for so dang long,
Still clicked on overdrive,
As an immediate response…
I have begun this journey a while ago,
Yet more and more often, 
I have become more and more aware,
How often I say something,
That stifles who I  really am.
What I think, what matters to me,
Another angle perhaps,
That can be done politely, respectfully,
But out of habit,
I squash before it can slip and roll off of my tongue…
I hear it,
My actual response within my own mind,
But what inefficiently comes out,
Is “No worries…”
Making this connection,
How swiftly I push myself down,
How swiftly I suppress,
How bad that really is to my whole well being,
Even after many years,
Of being free from that,
How easily our default response,
Subconscious, just overrides…
Instead of hanging back, suppressing as to comply,
Or to appear more compassionate of the other person,
Instead of my own heart’s voice.
Is quite the tangle,
Its having to let go,
Of the people pleaser dialect and dialog,
Going on inside…
It’s letting go of the craving to speculate an assumption
And be right for someone else, but not okay with ourselves,
Sharing our own I statements, and feelings..
Interesting how this connects,
Interesting how this differs,
Interesting how we correspond,
Internally and externally…
Checking yourself,
As to make sure we don’t go back
Into our default settings,
Staying where we thrive,
Cultivating now,
Not yesterday,
Truly a courageous act
Of kindness to our own sweet hearts,
Do so, and do it more often,
Be less concerned with settling,
More about allowing ourselves,
To be different and celebrating,
With every embrace of change,
We get...
Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror
For History to not repeat,
check yourself…