Before I knew it was his last Day...

I painted this....
Before I knew this was the day my dad would die and more written after he passed.
I now see the blessed lesson in mask wearing to celebrate and encourage ourselves to be more than what we thought we could do;
-- Originally written 1-22-2021--

This mask of strength I wear hides nothing,
Though flamboyantly beautiful,
Courageous as one can be,
Our hearts of hearts,
Instead of salt tears shed,
To bear witness to our loved one suffering,
My tears bleed through,
As in hopes that every drop,
As it cleanses my heart,
May he also be cleansed of his infections,
Of his heartaches, worries, regrets, fears.
This mask he wears,
This mask I wear, 
I felt it become more vibrant today,
No longer a disguise,
But knowing that all shows through anyhow.
Not a cover to hide beneath or from,
But a mask that allows me to courageously 
Be a mess, that makes pain and sorrow look more beautifully,
Accepting, embraced, welcomed, expressed.
Allowing the imperfection of smeared mascara,
Still be gorgeous, still be okay, still reveal strength,
Though these times are ever so discouraging.
The pain he feels leaks from my eyes,
Allowing myself to share in his burdens,
I let myself breakdown, on his behalf,
As I heal, maybe so will he…
As most masks are worn to hide what lies beneath,
This mask I wear, is to celebrate and announce,
The beauty of being vulnerable, holding and sharing truths,
Proving once again all the ranges of experience,
Of being simply ‘Human.’
Exposing the rawness of my heart, 
Of our hearts, all at once which comes and goes…
Sometimes as much as we try to prevent
Such crumbles, our sorrows bleed.
Our ability to handle things,
We get overwhelmed, and we cry,
From salts to blood,
Always adjusting to what is at hand.
This mask I wear, shares all I contain with,
All that darkness really is,
Is truly, lit from within,
For when it surfaces,
It’s meant to be freed.
However I scream, howl, fret, release,
Cry, let the pains no longer create shadows within me,
But leave me, so I can heal,
So I can grow forward after each presence appears…
Letting myself hurt, be sad, be a mess,
Shows my humanity, my  well-being in however
I am to bloom, from seed to wilt, to rebirth..
This mask of strength I wear hides nothing,
That mask he wears truly hides nothing,
Though seems to muster more courage as one can have,
To bear all, Knowingly within uncertainty,
To still be lit up enough to still grow, to still be able to face what is here,
and to let go of to heal…
Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror