 Within the storms,
I am. Within the bruising rains, I am. Within the thrashing winds, I am. Within the contrasts of lightning, I am. Within the twisters touched down, I am. Within the chaos and havoc, I am. Within the crumbled walls left behind, I am. Within the despair of losses, I am. Within the treading waters, I am. Within the flooding, I am. Within the echoes of remembrance, I am. Within the observant horror of grief, I am. Within the witness, I am. Within the cries, I am. Within the compass, I am. Within the pursuit of direction, I am. Within the hope of bluer skies, I am. Within the trauma of the storms, Experiences thus far, I am. Within the unburdened, Now here, in the raw, exposed, I am. Within the phases of letting go, Allowing this loss to not consume me, Take me whole, I am. With the calm that the storm leaves us with, I am coming to, For all that has become, Became undone. All I was tethered to, All I thought I was, Came to a screaming halt. A storm blew in, One heavy with grief, One heavy with loss, One heavy with love, One heavy with flashes of life, One heavy with hardship, One heavy with shock, One heavy with disorientation, One heavy storm with collateral damages, Mentally, physically, emotionally, verbally, One minute here, next poof gone. Within the storms, Within the bruising rains, Within the thrashing winds, Within the contrasts of lightning, Within the twisters touched down, Within the chaos and havoc, Within the crumbled walls left behind, Within the despair of losses, Within the treading waters, Within the flooding, Within the echoes of remembrance, I will re-emerge... Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror
0 Comments
Gifts of time, Stored in my head, Invested in my heart, Exuding from my soul, Perhaps the paradox and anomaly of Life “Feeling” short, Abides to humanity’s thoughts of what is here and tangible, Rather than incalculable vastness of Who we truly are infinitely, endlessly, Intersecting with what is known by living, And what is experienced in the ever after, Beyond the veil, when our bodies die. Time is truly a man made clock, Who is to say what the length surely is, We calculate it in seconds, minutes, hours, Days, weeks, months, years. 24 hours in a day, Sleep for close to half of our time here, So we can work, be productive, get by, Do things, so when we least expect it, When we have or have not taken things for granted, Somehow we always resort to this spectacle, Chronologically sort of time, Being short, being inadequate, Not enough… From beginning to end, Somehow we misplace, How many gifts of time, We got, until it became, Gone, because who we were sharing it with, Perished… Then our suffering begins to slow us down Enough to realize, We forgot to live, We forgot to cherish more of, We forgot to savor, We forgot to make the most of our time, Or we remember these things, With deep resentment towards another Or against ourselves, with grief deepening our regrets, To immediately jump to labeling, Life is too short, We aren’t given enough time… No, It's the immeasurable moments, The continuity of decisions, experiences, Dispersing lessons, mistakes, gifting us, Time for us to learn, laugh, challenge ourselves, Striving, thriving, to become, to unlearn, To talk, to hold hands, to grow, to love, To feel sad, to get mad, to care, To run away, to use our voice, To stand up, to give our best we can, No matter what it needs to be or when it needed to be To have, to lose, to share, to keep to ourselves, To guide, to mentor, to serve, to be fully present And really Live. Gifts of time, we share, are shared. Stored in my head, we had, we can still get. Invested in my heart, invested in you, invests in us. Exuding from my soul, what I created, what you created, What I am creating, what you are creating, Whether it be in body or in the cosmos, Endlessly, whether we depart or stay side by side, Few steps behind, or thousand of miles apart, Gifts you were, Gifts you are, Gifts of Time, Each of us do get, Each of us had, May we realize there is no ‘True’ length, So in every moment hold it close, Realize the significance, Realize the breaths you take in savoring That precious time we have, As the very gift you are, Time is too… Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror   HUGE REALIZATION CONNECTED FOR ME;
Because of the abuse that happened to me, when someone overreacts towards me, dumps, projects, gets mad at me, I feel like it's my fault, and I have to bend over backwards to make it right, even though I know I am not at fault… The people pleaser I was made up to be, by all the abuse I endured as a child, trained me to lose all my childhood, and be submissive, to be passive, to allow, to take on, to conduct myself as a willing adult,a willing partner, A manipulated, forced consensual situation over and over, for many many years, so If I did something wrong, it was my fault, my fault over and over again.. Trained me to carry other's burdens as my own, rather than allowing myself to be accountable for only myself, not other people. Back then I had no choice, because it was forced on me, multiple accounts of of abuse, rape, sexually abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, beaten, and verbally abused, feel now like all of this changed me, into this dysfunctional person they created. Realizing all of this now, I am disgusted by all their programming within all their dirty disguises, their sickness... I was trained, programmed to run in such a way, it was my fault I was pretty, it was my fault what I wore, it was my fault being human, it was my fault I have parts of my body they were fascinated with. Those things really stacked up, piled on meanwhile I was just a kid growing up, not getting to be a kid, a teenager, young adult... I was led to believe it was my fault their temptations and lack of control, their inability to keep their hands to themselves, because there was something wrong with me, that became much of their platform, and it trained me in such a manipulative, sickening way... Realizing now, how much of my past creates such turmoil within me, I understand how very conflicted it was for me to get healthy, as it looked like to everyone else, there was an easier path, with that amount of abuse, there was only one road for me to go at that time, the hard one… Unlearning my unnecessary programming from perpetrators, meanwhile still outgrowing much of their crap became my internal narration, my go to default setting, to numb out, to black out, to allow, how unfair it was to grow into who I am now, the path was quite hilly. Constantly learning and relearning, what is fair, what is right, what feels right to me, what will work, even in present times some of the smallest things trigger the default that I am still fighting the old programming in my head, The past abuse really set an undermining tone to everything I sense or pick up on, to confront, to dwell upon, to work through, to change... In non-relevant situations, small petty things being projected as my fault, it is not my fault but what it triggers inside of me, has opened my eyes to what needs healed, the unhealed burdens I internalized were not mine, yet I carried for so long I couldn’t tell the difference, I am aware of this now, by being aware, I am able to detect it, and change it because now I am totally awake, and will not be silent about it, My loyalty is to me now, not anyone else, I will make mistakes along the way, what human does things perfectly, But within all this heavy grief I have been experiencing, Many beautiful blessings sprouted from deep within skeletons, shadows, Programming, and today, I choose to carve myself out differently, I am awake, I am aware and this unknowingness is known now, So to become better than all yesterdays, I allow this to be the fuel to my wild fires of authenticity to burst all these old molds contained within me, who I had to be, who I was, no longer holding me captive… I choose to outgrow these holds, I choose to not be unconsciously loyal to the past, But be Loyal to my heart, my ascension, my mind, my own voice, My own abilities to transmute/transform this, to empower moving forward Without guilt, shame, carrying what is not mine, I let this go, I release The all of it, so I am more open and receptive to what is healthier for me, What aids in my growth, my wellness, I overcome the unseen, I get through this, moment by moment, step by step…. I forgive myself for not realizing this sooner, And with that as I work through, I walk away stronger, Because with everything in me, no matter how much it still hurts, I will not play their games, wipe things under this skin of mine, To hide, to still fuel them, I am loyal to myself and my growth, I will live illusion free, from this day forward. When things come up, I will reflect, confront, work through, heal, get healthier, wiser, more and more aware, always learning, always listening, always using my heart, my voice, never allow myself to be stuck for long… I thankful for all that has surfaced, I am thankful for the long hard road I chose, because within it I found transparency, I found honesty, I found what is right for me, what is fair for me, what loyalty is, I found the better me, I am always becoming, no matter how bad it feels, I will never become so distraught that history repeats itself, it stops now… Onwards and Upwards, the past has freed me, Thank you.. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror I am aligned to me, being more loyal to my own growth and stability however I can have it, day in and day out...  I believe there comes a time when
we must make a conscious choice between simply being a passive character in the grand play, or to bravely take control of the narrative. (John) May we awaken to our own knowing, our own abilities, To carve our lives differently than we ever have. May we fully allow ourselves to bloom, To awaken our voice, our truths, our path, Our actions, our words, activating our dreams, Our loves, our lights to illuminate our lives, Now, here, there, now, in full conscious, Intentional cause, intentional purpose, As to be authentically, truly here as our Whole selves, to stand out and to go after what Makes us feel more alive, more to thrive for, Awaken, aware, being utilized now. (Melissa) OPEN, Fill your heart with your own joy and let it flutter into your life landing lightly on beautiful wings of wonder, (Jody) You truly behold this joy, this consciousness, and with awe, with joy, with however life may be hitting you, Be awakened…(Melissa) May we accept the bravery to always be able to choose, May we realize that our uniqueness stands for something, Beyond physical reality, at our simply divine core, Being within our full self, mind, body, heart and soul, Activated & captivated, by our own powerful abilities, choices, So we change our inner landscapes, So we change our outer landscapes, So we carve, plant seeds, cultivate, invigorate, Grow, harvest, fuel, contemplate, activate, Make it so, as to live up to ourselves, Being more so generous of our honor, To ourselves to be here, in mutual service to ourselves And one another, wholly tapped in… (Melissa) Just be clear on what you're about and stand in the authentic light of that internal awareness with confidence. Give yourself a promotion by joining the creative process and become the director of your real-time autobiography! (John) Time to Elevate Your-SELF, (John) How simple. It was inside of me this whole time and I was too proud or fearful or lost in my thoughts and ego to ask for help. (Jody) The divine answer was in my heart and soul. I simply needed to quiet my thoughts and own my love wholly and unconditionally, to accept the wisdom within me and to answer the call I often put on hold or ignored because I was sure it wasn't for me. It was. (Jody) Allow now, Become Now, the You that needs to be, That must be, that has been, Come alive, awaken love, Come through, aware, Activate. (Melissa) Johnsosophies/ART-All Recovery Today; Jody Doty ©2021 Jody Doty Soul Reader/Poetry and Moon Soul Musings; Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror 2021  The meld of love, threefold collaboration
with Johnsosophies and Jody Soul reader and I... ** When I surrendered my insistence, (John) I sit within the stillness of my sacred heart space, (Jody) Shall we discuss the layers in detail or just step back and quietly admire the picture as a whole? (John) It lifts from my heart giving to the divine, ( part Jody’s and my edits) So, the universe can deliver. (John) Unique and yet collective, (Jody) Pouring unconditionally into our world,(Jody) Into the Divine within us, encompassing us, In the heavens, in the earth beneath our feet, In our forest’s, within every plant, mountain, valley, animal, human, Giving forth, birthing infinitely to us, through us, for us, A cultivation of love, bravery, light, peace, hope, persistence, surrender, divine, Connected within us all, (Mine) I am prepared, (John) Each of us are, Preparing, scavenging, gathering, obtaining, Evolving, Growing, Instilling, brewing, sitting, Reflecting, allowing, running, charging, learning, becoming….(Mine) We change and heal the world as we heal ourselves. Start with you. Send love to the areas within yourself where you are holding pain, fear, hate, prejudice and doubt. Love yourself whole.(Jody) Love your world, one another, all things grand to ordinary, All the spaces in-between, absorbed, inhaled, exhaled, Gotten rid of, held on, let go, happiness, sadness, grief, anger, shadows,(mine) Love yourself whole.(Jody) What I want feels like nothing in the face of what the universe can deliver,(John) May we feel each moment, May we realize each moment, May we invest in each moment, May we pray, love, give, share, serve Each moment to ourselves, to our world, To all that is here, with open minds, open hearts, Open arms, to love one another whole… (Mine, with inspiration from john.) ***Johnsosophies; Jody Doty ©2021 Jody Doty Soul Reader; Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror 2021*** Artwork done by John and I |
Writer:
I am originally from British Columbia Canada, but have lived in Iowa, USA, for most of my life. Mom of four, Married. Hello, I am Archives
May 2023
|
RSS Feed
