|
I don’t need
To be understood, Outside of myself, Only I need to understand myself, Expressing my truth, Living my life, As it is aligning for me, Every single day… When someone misunderstands me, It is only reflecting their understanding. When someone understands me, It is only reflecting their understanding, By resonance of their experience, Through their filters… We don’t have to be understood By everyone, for us to feel our truths, And experiences are validated… If you understand me, We have common ground… If you don’t understand me, My life, my truth, my experiences, Are for me to live, love, learn, get.. No adversity, competition, expectation, Conflict, opinion, issue, will change, What’s going on with my life, To rely on outer understanding, Though it's nice to feel understood, Only I need to validate, Understand, for me to move forward… My life is not to be understood, But lived, as I was, I am, Into who I am becoming, More self-reliant, In all aspects, In all ways, Self-reliant… Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror There is no wrong way, Each is a step we need to take, To become who we need to be, Engaging more powerfully from within, To create, to understand, To live, to share, to realize, To give, to receive, to be…. Self-reliant as we are all, Each in our own way, Creators of our lives..
0 Comments
Overwhelm,
A relentless muse Of what has been with me all I’ve lived, A surging rush of Unbridled excitement Bursted through me, Tingling throughout my body, A regenerative vibe-energy -perspective and feeling Emerging… A living awareness, Awoke fanning the flames, Illuminating from within me, A passionate fiery ablaze so bright, I felt my eyes shut Though I could still feel it there, And see it beyond my closed eyelids… The impact of all those little things, I’ve been adding is building up, Re-enlivening me, Becoming more conscious Than ever before, I am being stirred, I am beginning again, A change, A swirling inexplicably gorgeous, Change occurred and is still occurring, But with being wide awake, I get to witness the wholeness become. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror 2023 To bear witness to such a magnificence, I am elated as well as enchanted, By the growth, By the powers still growing, More Loud, More Vibrant, More Beautiful, More Moving, More Ever Present… The Overwhelm And Awe is growing, As the fires only are burning brighter And higher..  Learning to not react
To my own thoughts and feelings, Learning to not react to others, Has been definitely an ongoing, Lesson laying presently at my feet, And on my plate.. It’s quite the challenge, Especially now more so than any previous adventure, Adventure as in as we grow and our bodies change, As we age, old lessons, Reemerge, to teach us once again, How everything becomes more sacred, Like our peace, like our atmosphere Inside and out, like our environment, Who we let in, who we let go of, Because what we were used to, No longer serves us any good. The amount of psychological burdens We carry take its toll on our health, So much more than we thought we knew, Or could manage.. My health is too sacred, Too significant to tolerate My own ruminating, Let alone deal with others Negativity and toxicity, To preserve my peace, To protect my peace, Honoring what has changed within me, Around me. Learning to not react, So my anxiety doesn’t knock me down, Is at this very moment my challenge, My purpose, my passion and my path… Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror 2023 May You honor how you have grown, And allow yourself to honor, Where you are now, In wholehearted celebration of good, Rather than nit pick it and destroy What your whole health could be, can be, will be. By learning to not react, And learn to let go of what does not serve you well In your own mind, and body… Living to honor it Daily or moment by moment..  Healing
Can be excruciating, Can seem unbearable, Can be distressing, But it also can be; Fascinating in the ways we discover What we can do, What we can overcome, What we can release, What we can learn and How we still are learning, What feels right to us, What doesn’t feel right to us. Being able to better discern, Our experiences, and what we picked up on, That either became our default setting, Or was added to our internal narrative, Or how that past experience in survival mode, Is still running when we are in a different time. We get better, we feel better, No matter how difficult, No matter how much we feel We are back slipping off a cliff-side. We are shifting, though it may not feel that way, We are healing, and in these healing's We are transforming, becoming into Different people, that sees things differently, Is remembering things differently, Somehow through all the pain, blood, sweat, tears, Changes are happening… Healing is for you, Not for someone else to witness, Or stamp approval for it to be proven. Just like forgiveness isn’t for anyone else but you, Some closures never come, So our lives become a constant healing, And learning experience, But as we heal, we realize a lot more than We used to, we get wiser, Less tolerant of BS, Have firmer boundaries, And honor the growth we’ve had, Meanwhile still healing, Adding more truths and shadows to the light Of our knowing, as we carry on forward.. Healing Can be excruciating, Can seem unbearable, Can be distressing, And truly confusing, Yet somehow, brilliantly, We are able to navigate Ourselves through, Countless amount of times, We get through, Things get better, We get better, Each phase and process teaches us, To have better faith in ourselves, And our innate ability to overcome, To rise, to move along perhaps sorely, But we do sincerely and wholly, Carry on forward, resiliently and powerfully… Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror 2023 Life does get better, eventually, Be Brave.  What is ailing you, for you to read
Something in a negative internal tone? When it could be you taking it wrong. What is ailing us all to misinterpret Others, inciting anger and offense? What is the baggage claiming all you see, All you hear, all you are choosing to feel? What wounds are activated, having you in constant Flight or fight mode? What ails us silently within, Whether we suppress or express it? What lives beneath your crossness, And reactive responses? As you so quickly judge And want to argue, wrecking havoc internal narrative, Can we please stop projecting it? Can we stop dumping it on others? Can we stop taking things out of context, So we have ammunition for war against each other? Could we observe ourselves, And how we are contributing to our way of sensing? How we are contributing to the war on ourselves In conflict with others? Could we just pause, Think about what happened in the past to us, being triggered now? Instead of shaming, blaming and slandering Others who have offended us, Bullying them to make them feel small, Like it was when it happened to us… Being spiteful because of haters, Only creates more anguish and hatred. We don’t win with hate, anger, and fighting. What is ailing us, needs healed, Forgiven, let go, because it allows History to repeat itself, In a perpetual cycle Where nothing gets resolved, More hurt feelings, More pissed off people, More slamming, More shame, More blame, More pain, More history, More shit, More hate, More division, More chaos, More of what no one wants, Needs or desires. No moving forward, Just stuck in a loop enabling The same narrative To drive your life, Like nascar in loops… What ails us, if we let it, drives us, May we get wiser, May we get kinder, May we love more, May we forgive, Let things be, And break the cycle, So we can all grow forward.. I believe whatever is ailing us, Facing it, working through it, Heals us. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror 2023 In all world full of misinformation, Perhaps that contributes to what Is ailing us in a constant war Against everyone.. I don’t need
To be understood, Outside of myself, Only I need to understand myself, Expressing my truth, Living my life, As it is aligning for me, Every single day… When someone misunderstands me, It is only reflecting their understanding. When someone understands me, It is only reflecting their understanding, By resonance of their experience, Through their filters… We don’t have to be understood By everyone, for us to feel our truths, And experiences are validated… If you understand me, We have common ground… If you don’t understand me, My life, my truth, my experiences, Are for me to live, love, learn, get.. No adversity, competition, expectation, Conflict, opinion, issue, will change, What’s going on with my life, To rely on outer understanding, Though it's nice to feel understood, Only I need to validate, Understand, for me to move forward… My life is not to be understood, But lived, as I was, I am, Into who I am becoming, More self-reliant, In all aspects, In all ways, Self-reliant… Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror There is no wrong way, Each is a step we need to take, To become who we need to be, Engaging more powerfully from within, To create, to understand, To live, to share, to realize, To give, to receive, to be…. Self-reliant as we are all, Each in our own way, Creators of our lives.. I’ve noticed,
If it isn’t light and fluffy, It goes ignored, It is left empty, Then gets buried. I’ve noticed when stuff gets real, Many put these denial lenses on, Skipping over it, so there's no internal Confrontation with possible change and growth. I've noticed, That if something is triggering to someone, Or there’s too many cuss words, Or its a vent session which stems into growing, Changing and healing, Silence follows, Denial to embrace Each piece of the journey, Which means it's not all Soft, sunny and rosy. I’ve noticed if someone seems Too bold, too much, too honest, Or overshares their issues, People would prefer to not acknowledge it, Because then they may have to face themselves, And what it incites in them, That needs healed, Loved, and let go of… I’ve noticed, I’ve observed, I’ve experienced, So much of this toxic love and light culture, It really illuminates how much Shame and Blame dirties the filters, In Which we read, assume, believe, think, When reading someone's post, We react to it in a way that in ourselves, Feel a tinge of negativity, or fiery, “Oh no, we can’t have that.” Click and scroll away… I’ve noticed, The shame in others to have empathy and understanding, The shame in others where they are embarrassed To comment or show up for themselves if they resonate with someone's pain, frustration, because They may get shamed or blamed from a fellow or friend.. I’ve noticed so much eggshell walking, It alarms me, I’m shook, from all these Non-reactions, wipe this under the rug, Denial in every way shape and form, As this is the new norm, ughhh.. Shut out the real, Give only into what we wish, This fantasy life, being.. I am not saying everyone that remains positive, Is walking some kind of delusion. I am saying that in most of my experiences Through this life, People would prefer only hearing and only seeing love and light, That is not reality.. Reality is full of chaos and darkness, People are full of darkness and chaos at times, And that’s where the light should be, So many people struggling and processing The shit their living, the shit they lived through, Healing, venting, growing, PROCESSING! May We empower honesty, May we empower acknowledging every piece of our journeys, Our walks, or experiences, the rough and raw, The negativity, the darkness, the ugly, the hard, the ruts, The vocalizations of heavy pains coming out sometimes In bursts of frustrations, F-bombs, venting posts, May we empower healing, without cutting everything out, Rearranging it, repainting it, and making it look all Pretty, controlled and easier for ourselves to deal with Life in all its array of adversities. Unfiltered means without filters, No sugar coating, No denial, No eggshell walking, Not only “dwelling on the positives.” I don’t know if you are tired of the many, many layers of bullshit Being coated on us within every angle, But I am, LIFE isn’t all super warm, cozy and cute, Its gets rough and most of the time shooing it away, “Stay Positive, find the things to be grateful for, there's always something to smile about,”are generalizations that can hurt And damage people because its not personalized to what they are going, It's shutting them up, so their silence can eat them up.. I’ve noticed, People would much rather be silent, Than speak up as a witness to what is real, Through their truthful experiences they've had , Sharing that with another making a “REAL” Impact of kindness, understanding, relating, and connecting.. They would prefer to stay disconnected, Because perhaps their lives would change, or they could grow too, But hey that requires effort.. Perhaps it's not just Denial, shame or blame, Its people care less and want to stay LAZY… This is what I have observed and noticed, And now Voiced. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 Scroll away, this post is too much, too real, too negative, too triggering, too rough, too raw, TOO MUCH for your to handle, I have nothing to offer here. My voice will be rooted in actions.
My actions will match my truths. My life will reflect my boundaries, My passions, my blessings, my lessons, With ever evolving learning to roll through, Any resistance I have within, Any resistance I have outside of me. My wholeness will constantly grow, Rooted and stemming forth from my heart, My soul, my mind, through my body, voice, Actions, truths, experiences, and perception, Which changes as I grow. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 Dealing with difficult / narcissistic people;
I will not treat people as they treat me, I choose to rock a different vibe. I will be assertive and hold up my boundaries. Expecting they will ALWAYS meet me where they are… And instead of letting them suck me in, I will consistently choose to rise above however it needs done, Even if I need many vent sessions, To heal and hear my own truths. Honoring that I’ve been down that soul sucking Route before, getting all caught up with what They think, what they say, and holding it above myself, it's quite a damaging cycle, Of not listening, not being heard and constantly seeking Outer validation, which is such a betrayal to my heart, My mind, my wholeness and my path forward… - I’m not saying that it doesn’t hurt, That it doesn’t feel like being torn apart, Because it does hurt, especially when it’s your family, or Friends you grew up with. Dedicated on misunderstanding you, smearing you, Guilting you, shaming you, blaming you and them not holding themselves accountable, because they live to villainize you, So they can play saint. It fucking Hurts, but my belief is, I will never, ever give them that gratification, To their face, that will only ever, keep their supply And ammunition locked and loaded, Targeted right on us. - I’ve learned that through years and years of being A living disappointment to my mother.. So I will come across as a bitch, an asshole, Standing firm on where my boundaries lay! They will say “I’m the crazy one, “ and tell me “How I should be handling this,” Offering me their routes, rules, papers, emails, Phone calls, snail mail, trying to convince me “I’m wrong.” Im wrong because after years of putting up with it, They want me to participate, They want me to comply, Fuck that, that was an endless cycle Of degrading me, disapproving of me, Breaking my spirit is way worse than breaking horses! Plus after breaking, they still talk down to you, Don’t believe anything you say and do, If it doesn’t match what’s already in their heads.. It's a no win, never good enough, emotional, Mental, verbal abusive cycle! They will try to buy you, tempt you with fake change, Only to get loved bombed for a short while, Good behavior for a blink, to reel you in, To engage you, get back their supply… Shitty in all its array. - Most of the time we redundantly repeat ourselves, With our boundaries, Try to speak in ways they’d appreciate, Show kind gestures even if its at a distance, Speak kindly but firmly, Most of the time, NONE of that resonates with them. So “Vulgar words,” come out, Because enough is enough, Done playing this crappy game, No matter how we act, say, think, wish, yearn, What we give isn't enough.. Seriously no matter how much we Stress and try, they will not receive or get us.. So, *Fuck you, fuck off, and stay the fuck out,* Whether we say it aloud, Whether our actions show it, Whether we just back off and disappear, No matter how we honor each phrase, They will feel attacked, and you are in the wrong… - I will not treat people as they treat me, I choose to rock a different vibe. I will be assertive and hold up my boundaries, And I will walk away, hang up, ignore, and protect My peace, my truth, my present, my future.. I will never, ever give them that gratification, Or satisfaction to see me emotionally destroyed… Nope, they burnt that bridge, That chapter, that book, that connection, I will honor what I know I deserve. I don’t need their witnessing, their input, Their level, their any of it, or their permission, This is my life, mine all mine. - I accept that we will never have the relationship They think we should have. I accept and respect them as they are, But that doesn’t mean I have to allow them in my world, Or put up with all their conditions. I accept that their definition of family and love differs from mine. I respect, uphold, and believe wholeheartedly, “ To each their own.” And to each they have their own, So shall I without all that perpetual hell. Standing up for MY OWN, Rising above how I deem fit, And quite honestly, I will not stoop, it's not worth it!!! My life and my self value, IS NOT WORTH ANOTHER BATTLE with TOXICITY That is my RISE ABOVE. My Rise above doesn’t include them, To get it done. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 (Warning; Many Cuss words, vent session)
Fuck, how society and people that say they know us, Or knew us but labels us, ‘As damsels in distress, crazy, Liars, faking crisis for attention, When we put our feet down, Calling us Bitches and Sluts,’ When we’re saying “Hell No, you can’t treat me like this!” Fuck NO, you aren’t allowed to treat me like this! - To anyone who tells me Im broken, Tells me I am crazy, Telling me that I am fucked up, Because I swear, because I don't fit in your tiny boxes, Because I am not ladylike, or because I don't handle things like it's expected of me to. Fuck off, Please! Stop projecting your filtered perception, And your baggage at me, Hold your eyes, ears and mouth ACCOUNTABLE.. I am whole even if my emotions scatter. I am whole even when I see through your BULLSHIT. I am whole even when I am broken hearted. I am no damsel in distress, and will never be! I am different then you, but not crazy, Maybe weird, but not a liar and pulling a pity Party for attention,. - I follow and honor my OWN truths. Real fucking tired of the judgements, The hypocritical rules with double standards, And old mentality of “Doing what you say not what I do,” Behaving obedient to someone outside of me. Fuck those lies you say to comfort, support and enable The toxicity, I outgrew all that shit - I am not any less of a person because of my “Colorful Language.” I will never be your doormat, I will never be broken, I will never fit into your ideals, I have learned from all of my experiences… I know Damn well, HOW TO bend, lean and duck, To keep all that unnecessary drama and input, The fuck away from me. I will forever stand up on my own, And think for myself, Thank you! Here I am, Lighting my inner torch of truth, Get out of my way, Or get burnt/offended, I don’t care anymore, when I cared you all trapped me. You are not my Dictator, you have no power, no control, Please choose to dictate yourself, Kindly, as I walk the fuck out of your life. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 You are not my people or tribe. I go where unconditional Love Follows And follows through. On the mend,
So many of us, From one thing or another, Said or unsaid, Still recovering… Adjusting, Rebuilding, Focusing on what is essential, at this very time, To strengthen ourselves, To balance ourselves, To reeducate ourselves, Enough to keep moving, Meanwhile the world around us buzzing For our attention as well. On the mend Each of us all are, From something, That we experienced or made impact on us, That we engaged in, May we take the time needed To recover means to unload the weight, It carries on us, To assess, and try to bring about Some kind of livable harmony. That is the moment by moment, Task and trial at hand. May we take gentle or fierce, strides, Honoring ourselves and knowing That things will most definitely pop up, To challenge you, to test how forward your motion is, To wake you up, show you where your focus is or isn’t, To shake, rattle and roll you, To work on yourself, your beliefs, your past actions, Choices and behavior.. Reflect, reframe, find some resolution that may Not be perfect, but will work at this time to Clear the hurdle, but also will empower YOU so, You can redirect. May you find your speed, May you find some relief to keep you healing, And growing, and may your mend be whole. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 Today is the Day,
When I realize that pushing myself Yesterday requires a rest day today. Making sure I can give my all, Sometimes it is so exhausting. May we honor our bodies, Our minds, our souls, Without pressuring, Ourselves to be what society calls, “Productive:” Honoring what productive may mean On a rest and relax day or moment, When we relinquish outer voices and demands, To honor that Today is going to be A slow day, gentle, compassionate one, So that another day, We can be full force.. May We always honor Our Bodies, Our Minds, Our Souls, That sometimes our capacity To go go GO, Just needs, us to NO, No no… Blessings in either case, Honor you as you deem fit. Have a Blessed Day Today! Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 To remerge after a long juggle,
To come back to ourselves and our loves, To those we missed, To transform ourselves out of whatever took us away, To transmute our pains into vigorous outbursts Of real, of fire, of inspired action, Still a little burnt, Still a bit wounded, Still a bit rough, Still a bit wobbly, Still a bit out of it, Still a bit raw, Still a little cautious, Partially scared, But also gaining the fearlessness and confidence, Within the Pride, To not only say, “ I made it,” But be actually living it. Sharing it with others, Illuminating from inside, Creating the rippling infectiously, From showing up, For myself first, Then others, Filling my cup and refilling it again and again, Throughout the day, all day long, Each day forward, Encouraging myself to break wide open, As long as I can… The best reward ever, Giving that to not just myself, But sharing it with you, Elates me, Enlivens me, Keep’s me here.. Thank you for being with me, Thank you for being here still, Thank you, us.. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 To remerge and knowing I am not finished healing yet, To come back anyway, To reconnect, To be transformed within ‘our coming out,’ To transmute our pains into vigorous outbursts Of real, of fire, of inspired action, Emerging from our cocoon, Is ever so grounding, centering, And wholeheartedly a Blessing. Sometimes
We Just Need To Slow down, Allowing our presence To observe, To chill, To unwind, To embody, Obliging to our soul or heart tugs… Sometimes We Just Need To Surrender to our own nature, Our own season switching, Being considerate to ourselves For ourselves, at this very real And present moment… Sometimes The more we resist This everchanging presence need, The worse it gets for us, To find that much needed “Me Time.” So taking it as it comes, Allowing our hurry to slow down, To preserve ourselves, To recollect, To appreciate, To sustain, To provide space, Perhaps not to heal, But regain our strength, Our perspective, Our thoughts, What needs done, Or some strategy that needs reframed, Or just to catch your breath.. Sometimes We Just Need What We Need, At a more graceful and softer speed, To be fulfilled, To be be lived, And savored. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 When I originally opened my journal
To the world it was 2013, I ignored the voices inside of me, My mother’s voice and people that wanted me to Not blare my truths and experiences, Because they were scared of how they would look, Because they felt I would villainize them. They were discouraging me, They were telling me how’d I fail, ‘How there’s no money in prose, How is this a job?’ I ignored them, Honoring what I felt compelled to share, Without caring for their approval anymore or their validation, And that became their source to smear me, Throughout the entire time I had my old account, Which turned from one follower to 37K, Totally impacted me plus surprised me, And proved to me, my gut was right. My instincts were right, (Those haters) They weren’t my people… Blood or not, They are not my tribe!! That sabbatical I took, Unpublished myself, Put my website on pause, Then shortly after that, My world came crashing Down on me, The only person in my world at that point of my life, Of my Blood, Died.. My dad died, and suddenly everything flipped for me, I stopped writing completely, I only watercolor painted, Eventually I drifted away from all my creative outlets. I lost myself in who I was now, without him.. It’s been almost two and a half years, Of struggling, of healing, of putting distance from Toxic abusive relations, full of mean, rude, unsolicited nagging, Shoulds, and how dare you “he abandoned you” crap, To realize, what was holding me back and what my blockage Was… It was her, it was her voice in my head, It was all this guilt tripping, gaslighting, shaming, blaming me, ulterior motive type of manipulations, I was her walking & talking trigger, I was her scapegoat… Just because she has her ideals, And trying to put me in that box of hers, It was blocking me from my own thinking, My own way of being, My own way to heal and grieve… I learned so much about my blood family In the wake of my dad’s death, And learned to redefine what family means to me, And how my Dad accepted me for me, Flaws, quirks and all, He showed me to show up for myself, “Fuck her, fuck what she says,” my dad would say and remind me, Because he was married to her, And somehow my mother brainwashed me to believe he was scorned, Bitter about how it was all his fault ‘Because He hit me,’ the lie she told Me to milk sympathy, and have power over me, because I was her daughter. Oh man the truths that get revealed in the most ugliest of ways, Throughout life and after someone you love dies, The grudges bear themselves, with “ I told you he was going to die, I knew it,” and all these hurtful damaging cruel words and actions, that showed me that everything I was told to believe my entire life, lies and exaggerations, to make her look good. And made my dad look bad, my entire upbringing tainted, by her repainting everything, utilizing her playing favorites to use my siblings either for or against me, all my life. I wish I knew better, way before my dad died. How much all this shit could have been prevented, And My Dad fought hard to get my brother and I, And was constantly defeated… I am done and tired with all the judgements about, “Oh she is your mom, you’re one and only mom,” Yeah she’s my birth mother, But it's the most toxic relationship I have ever had in my life. Every success I had she took credit for, “Oh you got that from me, oh and this you got it from me,’ and so forth robbing me of my own accomplishments. My Brother thinks I’m cool, and celebrates what I do, as our relationship is mutually loved, cherished, and celebrated. As for My Dad, He accepted me, Was proud of me, No matter how shitty my life was at the moment, He knew I could turn it around, he had faith in me, And both my Dad/Brother loved me unconditionally.. I wasn’t ever good enough for her, I was raised that I had to be a certain way to be loved, Act a certain way to get to see my siblings, Do as she wanted, talk only about what she wanted, She built me into a people pleaser, Enabling me for a very hard life, all my life.. Until I knew better, And knew I couldn’t have her in my life whatsoever.. Just as my Dad warned me. OMG how death reveals, How fucked up people really are and always have been.. The masks have all fallen off now. Wow, that was quite a lot of shit to unpack, Meanwhile losing my Dad, a huge part of my identity, And a lot to work through, to unpack, sort, be accountable for my actions, words and thoughts, to move forward, forgive, and love myself through.. Bit By Bit, I started to come back, To my creative outlets, That my dad loved so much about me, That made me, well me.. I am re-emerging, Totally Unfiltered, Not a people pleaser anymore, although my finger points at her, Visualize if you will, The finger that points at her, Is also my middle finger, Strung up with Dad’s spirit, In accordance to my forward walk, Telling her to fuck off and fuck you. - Best said, by ― Anne Lamott “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” - Onwards and Upwards, Here I am, Back to writing, Creating, listening to only myself again, and some of what Dad said too.. Writing my own Legacy. Leading from Spirit, Forward, Thank you Dad, For rekindling my heart and soul, Back into my own skin. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 Those types of people don’t scare me anymore, You do not threaten my peace or my drive anymore. You never listened, cared enough to do anything outside of your comfort zones, And there you shall stay.. I love myself more than enough to see through That Bullshit, and I have faith I can get further in life, Without YOU. I don’t need you anymore, the damage toll Was enough. Thank you for helping me realize I can do better… So I am, oh and I’m Back, stronger than you have ever witnessed!! Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 (please forgive me for any typos) The novels
My skin holds, That has clung to my vessel, (For oh so long) Screaming many stories all at once, Hoping I’d fall back into one, So they can resume writing my life… Oh how pissed off they are that, I've evolved without letting them catch up… Oh how sad it is that I'm not falling for their crap.. And how crazy I am to consistently Be starting over, scrap that chapter and changing directions. The chronicles of my past, How they attempt to stir me, Shift me backwards and Fail every time… The novels my skin held onto, From time to time echos aloud in my mind, Reminding of what was, Now will never be… And so I laugh turning inward, I say, “ You thought you got the best of me But you didn’t. I have the best of me, It's still going and growing.” Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 (I am not done yet!) Life
is only as Good as YOU will it to be through your active Beliefs… Actions, Life is a Verb! Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 Our Needs;
Need to refuel, Don’t procrastinate, get at it. Need extra loves, Voice it to yourself and answer in actions if that’s what is needed. Need something, Ask ! Need to vent, Channel the vent through something creative. Need Ideas, Explore, Open your Curiosity. Need to be heard, but no one is around, Jot it down, respond to yourself. Need to zone out, Pick up a book, turn up some good tunes. Need to restore, Unplug with or without and explanation, Honor what you need at that very moment, To get through. Need to laugh, The internet is full of outlets of laughter to be found. Need to cry, Honor that experience, hug or scream into a pillow, Let it out… Need to say, “Fuck it!” Say it then.. Need reminders to motivate and empower, Look around you, make your own affirmations, Paint it in a picture, write it down, Use lipstick or a marker put it on a mirror, Tell yourself, or call a friend you can rely on to be helpful… Need anything, Take a walk, ride a bike, exercise, do something about right away, Even if it requires us to wait, Fill your time waiting with something that can be done, now. It’s not about marinating unless that in fact is what you need, It's about filling your time, Getting what you need done, Rebuilding the trust and faith in yourself, So you count on YOU, To show up and be there for yourself, Especially when no one else is available at the moment. Give, take and share what you need, And notice that sometimes, It's a gift to give ourselves, When it surfaces, an instant consistent gratification, Kind of magic, We get gifts from ourselves to ourselves, Through honoring our needs, right away, And more often than we think we can. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 Because of our past experiences,
Traumas, mistakes, and life events that were not Within our control to prevent, We are not unfit, unworthy, unimportant, Fucked up beyond recognition, or broken. Unfit as in, Undeserving of the right to change, Undeserving of the right to be here With a past and a fragmented self, We are still learning to face and bring loving light Into, as we heal each day. Unworthy as in all the echoes in our mind, Playing trickery with us through nit picking Our memories, our flashbacks, And criticizing us, to defeat us. Unimportant as in how other made us feel, And how we continue to project that onto ourselves, Not realizing just yet that we are repeating those things, In our own beliefs and narratives. Fucked up beyond recognition, As in we have gotten so buried, so lost, so confused, So burdened, we can’t hear our own thoughts- feelings- etc, or see ourselves or feel ourselves, as all the yesterdays overwhelm us. Broken as we see ourselves this way, Because something has to be wrong with us for all that shit to have happened to us, Broken because we feel stupid for not catching something sooner, And the toll of damage exceeds our capacity to understand, To walk away from it, or run from ourselves in denial.. Because we have had a rough life, Because we had some harsh experiences, We’ve changed, we’ve hardened to self preserve What little we think is left of us. Because we think we are so insufficient, faulty, impaired, That this is just ‘How it’s gonna be.” Somehow we just think, If we stay hidden, Maintaining our past scripts, Biding our time, our life, Because lots of these experiences Repeated, so we believe we have no chance, Not worth the work, Not worth it whatsoever, This is me, Accept that or else.. Erratic lashing outs, Strong limited opinions, Accustomed to this treatment, They treated me this way, I treat myself this way, So no matter what kindness comes my way, I am going to shut it down, Disbelieve, imprison myself From learning from my experiences, Debilitate myself from growth, Because I am not worth it. We are resourceful, it is built into our DNA! We are adaptable, as we’ve adapted to abuse, abusive narratives, and/or life events, lessons, we can adapt to changing our view, Our thoughts, our feelings, our words, and our actions. We are fighters, drawing upon strengths we didn’t even know we had, In the faces of adversities and uncertainties. We are fully capable to change, to determine what is good for us And discern what isn’t good for us. We are built to withstand Living Our Lives, Best we can, meanwhile making mistakes, Learning from all those experiences, And to still be standing here, living and breathing, alive! Realize that this, Proves your worth it, Proves your fit, Proves your significance, Proves you have not been broken or defeated Enough to not be here, PRESENT and accounted for, Proves You are still whole, Proves you have done a lot of work, Proves you still have work to do, Proves there’s a lot of you, still here, Still worth fighting for, Still worth having a wondrous Life to be lived, Without all the negative, abusive narratives, Being the author of your life, By you still being here alive, Proves that You can do this, You can will yourself into a better reality, A more fulfilling life. Because despite your internal dialogue, Your strength to overcome, Brought you to where you are now, Realizing that shit show, Doesn’t serve you well, It dims you, it cripples you, It gives away your power to change. Upholding those experiences As the only way, isn’t the way for you and YOU know IT!. Make new memories, Create, less toxic environments inside and around you, And Giving yourself the most magnificent possibilities, Are within your abilities such as; Your resourcefulness, Your persistence, Your strength, Your amazingness, Your importance, Your agility, Your resilience, Is your hope, faith, You can trust and use to empower you, To compel you forward, Because these have already been proven to you, Because YOU have lived through all of it thus far. You can change things, You can maneuver yourself into a new direction, You can change what that dialogue is, You can see yourself better, Treat yourself better, Because YOU are 100% worth it. It’s time to believe in yourself again! I believe in YOU, because I’ve went through this, And reflecting back reminds me how powerful that journey was, And to this day I carry with myself, My abilities to overcome, as do you, without changing anything. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 You can’t sustain wilting, But you can sustain Flourishing. There’s a way out, and you will find it, You will succeed. YOU are Resourceful! I own this!
What I have been working on with myself is; Compassion for myself and others, Respect what it means to me, Knowing that everyone deserves respect As they are and not trying to change that, or make them conform to me, So that I am more comfortable with their truths.. Honoring to each their own, More presence in my experiences- good, bad, ugly and shitty… Allowing, as an embrace to let let flow, Not resisting, No more I can’ts, No more excuses! More truth, More loud blurts of thoughts, opinions, cares, worries, fears, As to observe, reflect, re-work, My mindset, My defaults, My ability to change by choice, Forgiving myself right away, Not waiting for my inner critic to nit pick me, And saying no more, enough is enough.. When my plate is full, I am working on letting that be all that I am working on, When time frees up again, I will take other things on… Which means I am working on shame, Guilt and my empath sensitivities to absorb other people's problems, Without allowing my past to manipulate me into saying yes, when I want to say no.. Eradicating the people pleasing, Acting how others want me to, Only talking about what they want to hear, And not saying sorry for me being ME… What are some things you are working on? You don’t have to tell me, But, do celebrate each part, What you think, say, do, change, give, share, Everything were working on, Or have overcome, Sometimes need voiced, To acclimate ourselves further into Our investment… May You Celebrate each piece, Like a huge victory it is, On your journey. Melissa Palmer © Evolving Mirror2023 “Hey, I’m not perfect, but I will always be a masterpiece, In progress, while processing!” |
Writer:
I am originally from British Columbia Canada, but have lived in Iowa, USA, for most of my life. Mom of four, Married. Hello, I am Archives
May 2023
|
RSS Feed
